Danielle:
i'm watching an old sheryl crow video. they tried to make her look so overdone.
it's baaaaaaad
bad skanky outfits
red lipstick
so un-sheryl-like

Jena:
so us in vegas

Talking about cleaning & throwing stuff away...

Jena:
lol yeah.. I have SO much to throw away and its like hair.. you can keep shaving but there's always going to be hair there

Jena on the infamous chew twice & swallow:
if you want to kiss josh hartnett you must be willing to swallow your own vomit

Tija:
we could write a 1000-reasons-to-quit-your-job-but-still-never-do-it book

Danielle talking about Kesha:

Danielle: she has a gold tooth.. with all that money get a white crown. sheesh

Me: she probably wanted it and asked specifically for gold

Danielle: she needs a mirror... she's white.. and not a rapper

Danielle talking about a boy we all know (that will remain nameless) and how he is with girls.

"He goes all Romeo on women even though they won't go Juliet on him"

Talking about how a crime boss/drug lord in Rio had a mural of justin beiber in his house...

Jena:
hahaha
that kid is white and 12 and he dresses like usher
its weird

----

Talking a few days later about how funny that was....

Jena:
that little dude.. whats his name


Danielle:
justin beiber


Jena:
yeah.. that little turd

"You can take this empty glass. I don't want to look like a lush. I mean, I am a lush but I don't want to look like one."

Tija:
i just mailed off another grant application :)

Danielle:
fresh!

Tija:
i'm banging these bitches out

(show Jena what Tija said)

Jena:
hahaha
she's so gangster

Danielle: "Do you ever put your hair up in one of those knots (messy buns) after you shower and then take it down to actually do it later?"

Jena: "Yes, everyday."

Danielle: "Well, I just realized mine is still up like that."

It is now 4:25 pm on a workday where Danielle is.

Jena:
dude I hate periods
SO unfair
honestly.. if boys can pee standing up then they should have gotten periods
or keep us with periods but let us pee standing up
its 1 or the other people.. not both
bullshit
PLUS boys metabolisms are MUCH faster and nobody effing cares if boys are fat.. but girls have slower metabolisms AND have to have kids and get fat
yet boys dont like fat girls
WTF is up with that
there were some serious glitches in this whole, lets make humans thing
and HOW is it not 5 yet


Danielle:
OMG! I LOVE YOU! You're a freaaaaaaaaaaaak!


Jena:
I'm serious
seriousss glitches
and the word serious doesn't look very serious.. s's and i's are not serious looking letters
I need wine

Talking about math...

Jena: How did you do that so fast?

Danielle: Because I'm fucking Sheerah Princess of Power, Bitch!

Jena on being scared of turkeys:

I got chased by 2 wild turkeys and never was the same since
thanksgivings my fav holiday cause I get to eat them
ultimate payback for them chasing me

Tija's response to me having 12 house rules when I wanted only 10:

i think 12 is perfect
12 is a really good number
12 apostles and shit

(Conversation about being lucky if you wear green on Saint Patrick's Day)

Tija: i'm guessing you have to be irish to get good luck for wearing green today...
Madison: no shit
Tija: spanish no es igual irish... sigh.
Madison: yeah...where is our damn lucky holiday
Tija: running of the bulls
Madison: thats lucky?
Tija: only if you avoid the bulls

"Sometimes when I'm at work I like to sit in the bathroom because no one will bother me there." - Tija

"She's actually probably thinking.. this place is dark wet and stinky.. I can't believe they want me in here for 9 months, this is incredulous.. get me the fuck out of here!" - Jena

Danielle talking about a job opportunity I was considering in Colombia:

"Holy shit woman! I hope your cell does international! Wanna take my kids and i'll go for you?! Wait. Dont they have GIANT bugs down there?!?! Seriously though. Do they allow makeup out there?  What kind of SHOES do you wear?! Priorities Tija, priorities! Do they have a Coach outlet?! Do you have to pee in a hole?! Do they have hot wings?! I mean there are things to consider! Do they have Lion Spray? Like Bear Spray? I picture you hiding from Mufasa... and it's not pretty! Circle of life my ass! I don’t like going downtown because it's too barbaric for me... OMG! I'd be like the girl from 'My Sweet 16' who had to go down there and live in a tent. OMG! Not a pretty picture!!! At least you'll have good coffee! DUDE! Isn't it like wicked dangerous down there?! Don't get me wrong. It'd be cool to stand next to a fucking giraffe and see an elephant that isn't forced to play with a rubber tire but I'd want to go home after that! And not pee in a hole!!! In all honesty- sounds right up your ally! Wait, they don't have elephants in South America, that's Africa right?! Why would you want to go there then?!! Whatever, just don't party with drug lords!"

"But Mom, it has your favorite sticker on it!" (Gage.. Cousin's kid)

(Cousin looks) SALE STICKER

"I know I have toes because I can see them, but I can't feel them!" - Tina (cousin maker)

Danielle: "Why is Russia fighting with Georgia? Wouldn't they be fighting with the whole US?"
Tija: "Danielle, they mean Georgia the country not the state."

"I just drank 3 mimosas that were as big as god. If god was a mimosa and a glass at the same time, I drank 3 of him!" - Jena